By Matthew Stein, P.E., Author of When Technology Fails: A Manual for Self-Reliance and Planetary Survival, ISBN #978-1933392837, published by Chelsea Green Publishing, White River Junction, VT (800) 639-4099 http://www.chelseagreen.com

The greatest gift that I have ever received was the experience of God. The greatest gift that I can give another is the taste of God to help them along on their path of awakening.

My first spiritual teacher, Shri Madhusudandasji (Guruji) used to say that he felt the pull of the souls of thousands of western Sadhus (spiritual seekers on the path back to God), which cried to his spirit for help. That is why he came to America, to assist these souls on their path of awakening. He roamed America for a few years, initiating thousands of Americans, helping them to awaken to the experience of God. I have been on an unusual spiritual journey in this life. I was born and raised Jewish. When I was a 20 year old engineering intern, preparing for my senior year at MIT, I was initiated by a powerful 108 year old Hindu Yogi who awakened me to the awareness of Jesus as one of the most powerful God-conscious spiritual masters of all time. This is the brief story of this life altering encounter.

It was 1977, while I was working at a summer job as an engineer at Plantronics in Santa Cruz, CA, when I first read about Guruji. The article stated that he was a true saint, a man of God, and that simply by being in his presence, many people had profound spiritual experiences and miraculous physical healings. When I read the article, my fingers vibrated, as if charged by some hidden electric current and my heart pounded. My soul expanded with excitement, as if it knew that the whole reason I had found this summer job, 3000 miles from my home and schooling, was that I might be awakened by this man. My mind made up the excuse that it was an opportunity to see first hand if there was any truth to the legends of powerful Indian yogis. Could it be that spiritual experience was more than simply being bored to tears in a synagogue or church, waiting impatiently for the service to end?

I attended few group meditations, where I experienced deep, thoughtless states, induced by the hypnotic chants of Guruji. I was not consciously aware of the meditative state, but became aware that I had been meditating when I began to hear sounds in the room and realized that I had not heard or thought a thing for a long period of time. This state was relaxing and blissful, but not all that I came for. It was announced that Guruji would be giving “Shaktipat” on Saturday, before leaving the Santa Cruz area for several months. He described Shaktipat as an initiation and gift of energy, from the Guru to the disciple. He said that it was like giving the disciple a car, filling it up with gas and teaching him how to drive. What he did next was up to him. He could wreck the car or do great things with it. Guruji always pointed us to God, never encouraging us to worship the Guru. He said that it was not his self doing the healings and other miracles, but God working through his humble servant.

The experience of Shaktipat was shattering to my western scientific belief system. Thirty years later, by a long shot, it remains the most powerful experience of my lifetime. Climbing Yosemite Valley’s El Capitan pales in comparison to the intensity of the experiences I received sitting in a modest sized room, with my eyes closed, touched by a servant of God. The brilliance of light and the almost unbearable sensation of energy flowing through my being are difficult to describe with words. My breathing accelerated and my body started performing yogic Mudras and postures, for which I had never been trained or instructed. For an unknown period of time, I had been floating in a golden light, when a cosmic sound pierced my being and I felt as if my hands were ready to explode. I remember thinking that I couldn’t stand it any longer, then the energy subsided and I returned to normal conscious awareness. I opened my eyes and started laughing. I had received Shaktipat in a crowded room filled with over thirty people. The room was now empty except for two people having a quiet conversation in the far corner. I had been on a powerful inward journey for about an hour after the others had completed their initiations. Shaking my head, between my fits of laughter, I repeatedly muttered to myself, “Amazing! Amazing!”

The next day, Guruji left for the Los Angeles area. Daily, I faithfully did my best to repeat the mantras that Guruji had taught me. In spite of my efforts, I felt as if I was a battery slowly discharging. With each passing day, I felt less of the energy and presence of Guruji. I had planned to spend the last two weeks of summer, prior to my return back east to college, rock climbing in Yosemite. Instead, I rearranged my plans to spend one week in Los Angeles with Guruji and one week in Yosemite. The time with Guruji was so wonderful, that I ended up spending both weeks sleeping on a basement floor and meditating with my teacher. I spoke to numerous others who related fantastic stories of spiritual experiences and miraculous healings. Had it not been for a spiritual reading, where I was told that my path required the completion of my education, I would have dropped out of MIT one week prior to the start of my senior year.

Guruji would meditate with a large poster of Jesus on one side and a similar poster of Krishna on his other side. One day, someone asked Guruji, “What about Jesus?” I had been born and raised Jewish in a predominantly Christian community, where someone was always trying to save my soul by jamming Jesus down my throat. I expected him to say something like, “Jesus was OK, but it was these Hindu guys who were really something.” Instead, Guruji emphatically stated, “Jesus was the God-man, the Avatar of the modern age. He was the supreme example of what we may all become if we were to give ourselves over one hundred percent to God. He was God-In-Man.”

To me, Guruji had a direct phone line to God, yet he placed himself in a position far below Jesus. Of all the people that I have met in my life, Guruji most closely followed the example of Jesus. It was explained that it was traditional to give a gift of fruit, flowers and money to the Guru prior to receiving Shaktipat. They recommended a gift of thirty dollars, however Guruji did not wish to refuse Shaktipat to anyone for lack of money, so he said that if you had no money, you could borrow a penny from your neighbor and that would suffice. His personal possessions fit into a small knapsack. Hundreds of thousands of dollars, donated by his worldwide devotees, were spent on feeding the poor and for building orphanages, hospitals and schools for the destitute. He kept nothing for himself.

When I returned to college, I was profoundly changed. I meditated daily, and continued to nurture my deep spiritual experiences of God. I began a love affair with Michelle, a fellow student. The experience of the energy flowing in my being was intense and frightening. When we made love, an energy cord, about 6 inches in diameter, would snap between our solar plexuses. The last time it happened, I remember her looking at me with fear filled eyes saying, “Are you trying to kill me?” It was as if I was a child who had been given a loaded gun or a live stick of dynamite. I was supercharged with God energy and didn’t know how to handle it. One night early in December, Michele’s old boy friend called her up and begged her to come back to him. Torn by the decision, she chose to return to her former lover, and broke my heart.

Christmas vacation arrived and I returned to my family’s home in Vermont. I started saying the long form mantra that I had been given and spending several hours a day in meditation. My meditations were spiritual ecstasy. After two or three of the long mantras, I was enveloped in light and God’s love. It was as if I was at Guruji’s feet again, only he was three thousand miles away. One day, while skiing, I met a striking blonde woman. When I approached her in the bar, after skiing, and struck up a conversation, my friends were amazed by my behavior. I was normally quite shy and this classic pick-up behavior was totally out of character. It turned out that she lived around the corner from my parent’s home, so we made arrangements to meet again. When we went out on a date, she asked me, “Do you meditate?”

I replied, “Yes. Why would you ask me this question?”

She answered, “I do not know why, but for some reason all of my boyfriends have always meditated.”

That night, we spent the night together. It was the most unpleasant night I have ever spent with a woman. It started out fine. She asked me about the Yogi. I told her about him and the gift of initiation. She said that she wished to experience this energy, so I opened up my energy to her and “Breathed” energy to her through my hand. The rest of the evening, whenever I touched her, it was as if a hot coal was touching her skin. At this point, there was nothing sexual going on. When we lay down together, I would gush sweat for twenty minutes at a time. Instead of dreams, Guruji’s image was in my third eye and unfamiliar Sanskrit prayers and mantras were running through my head. After about six hours of this inner torture, I pleaded, “Let me run my own life.” The mental torture ended, we made love, and I collapsed into a fitful sleep.

I returned home early that morning, to say my mantras for morning meditation. Instead of the characteristic spiritual bliss, I said mantras for two long hours of boredom. I continued my efforts throughout the following weeks, always with the same result. No light, no sense of God, just boredom and aching joints. Heart broken, I cried, “What have I done?” I had traded the nectar of the Gods for a lousy night with a woman I didn’t even like.

The first interpretation was that I had run into a witch, a psychic vampire who had sensed my supercharge and was only too happy to relieve me of it. The second interpretation was that I had failed a spiritual test. I was given a powerful gift and had shown my lack of maturity by failing to heed the inner warnings. I succumbed to temptation, so the gift was stripped away from me. Years later, the third interpretation came. I did not feel ready to take responsibility for the gift that I had been given, so I subconsciously allowed this all to happen, so that I would not be burdened by this gift. The fourth interpretation is that it was all part of my path. The stripping of the gift was a powerful lesson, which helped me to remain in the world and to follow my path of technology, marriage and children. Perhaps it was all part of the life-plan that my soul had mapped out for my physical being? When I was enraptured and intoxicated by the experience of God, I was finding it increasingly difficult to continue with a worldly path. The bliss of God was more pleasurable and satisfying than any drug or physical experience could ever be. All four different interpretations probably contain some elements of the truth. I feel that I am approaching a reawakening, where I will move out into the world publicly and help others to find their way to the experience of God.

My wife, Josie, is a gifted hypnotherapist. One day, I asked her to help me see what was blocking my spiritual path and the light. She guided me into a trance state, and what we both saw (my wife often “sees” what her clients see in their trance states), was totally unexpected. We saw a group of powerful spiritual beings, encircling me from above. With outstretched palms of their hands, they were sending me light and love. In my vision, I had my head turned to the side and arms extended, as if I was pushing them away. It was clear, that I was not being punished by God, but by my own sense of guilt and lack of self-worth.

My lord, how can I serve thee? How can I reopen to your light? What might I do to shed this dark cloud, which I so desire to leave behind? How might I best serve my brothers and sisters and this planet?

With light and love,

Amen